We could have been at least Friends
Me to her: Hey, Hi, how are you? … I know it’s really awkward and you probably would be thinking I’m out of my mind but can I have your number. I know we dated back then, and we broke up and now you are with someone else, but it’s just that I don’t want to lose you as a friend, and seriously trust me, there is nothing else on my mind than being friends. And if you have a doubt on my trust, think of times when we were together, if I ever broke your trust. [ Read: How to Ask a Friend Out? ]
She didn’t gave me her no. but instead I gave her mine, and told her that I just need to talk to her once and then it would be her decision whether she wants to end it all for once or she wants to be my friend. I didn’t had a word with her for two days. On the morning of the third day, when I was about to give all hopes, an unknown number showed up on my cell’s display. It could have been anybody, but I was rooting for it to be hers.
I picked up and there was her voice, all firm with no emotion what so ever.
She: What do you want to talk?
Me: Okay, it’s gonna be a long speech, a really long speech so let me say everything I have.
She: Okay. [ Read: Does your Boyfriend have a Flirty Girl as Best Friend? ]
Me: See, I know we broke up a long time ago. I know you are with someone else now. And this is, in no way to jeopardize your relationship or in any way an attempt to get you back. But I just wanted to talk to you for either one last time or may be for the beginning of a new chapter. I know, for some reasons we didn’t work out. And as of now, you probably must be wondering about some of things I did back then and I do wonder some of the things you did. But I am not here to ask for an explanation. You must have had your reasons and more importantly, I am no one in your life now, to whom you owe an explanation. But, I do want to explain why I did what I did.
I know you might not be willing to listen to this, because it doesn’t matter at all now, but I do want to share it, because if I don’t, I won’t be able to let this feel of you inside me go away. The one thing which I did was blab about you. But it is not totally true as you think it to be. By that time I did this, we already had our breakup. But, there was a bit of problem and that was that I wasn’t able to hate you. Even knowing the fact that you did break up and tried to prove that I was some cheap flirted to some girl I was talking to was not enough for me to hate you and I needed a strong reason for myself. So one day, I noticed a guy who I thought was your brother’s friend, I wasn’t sure and I knew I am taking a long shot but yes, I did and I talked some bad words about you while also making it clear about whom I was talking, in front of him, though just to be clear, it was the normal words like she is bad, she did wrong me with me etc., what I didn’t expect was that he would eventually end up adding spices and herbs to my little normal breakup sounding speech making it worse. Anyways, I was expecting him to tell all of this to your brother and then I knew he would be coming to me or going to that one person we both know who can beat me up like shit and I cannot do anything. [ Read: Does Your Boyfriend Talk To His Ex All The Time? ]
Eventually and surprisingly both happened. Your brother warned me to stay away from you and this news also reached that one guy who also ended up thrashing me like hell. And I thought, I got my reason to hate you. But I was wrong. Also there wasn’t a day I regretted saying bad about you. However my second main aim to do all this was achieved and that was to give you a reason to hate me. The breakup reason you gave me was that you were about to be married to someone by your parents. I understand, that at that point of time, I was no one you could point a finger and say, I want to be with that guy. I get that. And that made me think that may be some day you will regret that you did bad with me or something like this. I know I may have overthought all of this. But still at that point of time, what mattered to me was, I could not see you unhappy or have some regret, especially not with the reason being me. I never wanted you to think this for even a single moment of your life. So yeah, this little piece of my act did make you hate me. It was hard and it did hurt to see that I passed right beside you a number of times but now you weren’t even willing to see me, as if I was never a part of your life, as if I didn’t even exist. But deep down there was a satisfaction that yeah, I did the right thing.
And that’s my story. After that, till this day, there hasn’t been a single moment, I didn’t think that we could have been at least friends. But I didn’t want it to be the normal casual two exes’ friendship type. [ Read: Find out are You Losing a Friend or Just Drifting Away? ]
I know it’s a little awkward for me to talk to you, and may be it is for you as well. And it always will be. There will always be a little bit of feeling for you, left inside me, because I was never lying with any one of those three words so called magical words or whatever. And you know it damn well, and I need not tell you about this, what’s its like or whether it’s possible or not to love someone and move on with literally no feel of that person inside left inside you. But it’s okay. You don’t have to worry about it. It’s my problem, my feeling and I will deal with it. Trust me. I mean whether you are with me or not and whether after this we will be friends or not, but I will have these feeling, and It will go with me to my grave and no one can do anything about it. I will be dealing with them like I have been in my past.
I don’t know of any place or time in present or future where it won’t be a little awkward talking to you. I still have to think a lot before even typing Hi, in the chat window. Each and every word I type goes through a long thinking process to avoid the awkwardness, yet it is and will always be a little awkward. [ Read: 9 Firm Steps to Get Over an Ex Girlfriend in No Time! ]
But I don’t see a single reason why we can’t be friends. There are tons of reason why it will be awkward but that’s because we are making it and at the end it will be what we want it to be, an awkward talk, or a friendly toast to our new beginning.
As I said there are some reasons why it will be awkward, but there can be many reasons to be friends as well. It’s up to you to decide whether you want to let it be awkward or make fun of it and move on as friends.
So, I give you the choice to make the last call. You can either choose for our new beginning, a new friendship, an awesome friendship where there is no condition, one do not need to think before saying, where you and I can share freely and use any damn syllable in any kind of dictionary, or even make our own words and whatever we wish. Or you can call an end to everything, an end to every last bit of detail. And if it’s the second one, I want you to promise me and make sure that in no way would we ever be facing each other again in any way. I want you to make sure for this. I want you to block me from every possible scenario and from every possible social contact. Because I won’t be able to do it, and if I get a way, I am afraid, I will end up contacting you. And I will say sorry for any future possibilities right now because I know myself and I will do it. I am not as strong as you are. So yeah, I won’t be able to be 100 percent on board with the second choice but I would try my 100 percent and I can promise you that. And whatever is your last call, remember, I respect your decision so go for it and choose what you think is good for you.
So, what do you say?
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