The Little Things – So BIG in Relationship
What is it about the little things that make them so big in relationships? In a society that seems to adhere with increasing frequency to the “more, more, more!” theory, what is it about those seemingly tiny gestures that leave such a lasting impression on the heart?
When one looks less at the gesture itself and more at the intention behind it, the answer to that question becomes inevitably clearer. Read: 7 Ways To Start Healing Your Relationship After an Affair
When I think about the man I love, it’s never about how handsome he is, his sense of humour, his intelligence, or even his charm though certainly all of those characteristics make him handsome and wonderful to me as well. When I think about the man I love, I can think back over the course of the past five years we have had together, and a veritable cascade of memories comes together in one brilliant collage in my mind – and the vast majority of them involve one thing; little things he has done or said over the course of that time period that to this day are still with me. They may not seem like much to someone else, but knowing what he knows about me, the intentions behind these little gestures are obvious.
Case in point: I am a HUGE water drinker. I literally drink it by the 100 ounces on a daily basis, and as a result, I’m also often teased about it by friends and family. The love of my life doesn’t care for it either, though he has started drinking it more over the past year or so. With that in mind, imagine my surprise when he walks in the door from work about a month ago carrying a 24 pack of water on one shoulder. Fully aware of his aversion to the flavourless beverage, coupled with the knowledge that he had just worked a 13 hour overnight shift at his job and was utterly exhausted, I raised an eye-brow at him in silent question, as normally pit-stops between work and home are few and far between at best in the interest of getting home and getting to bed. This curious response earned me a semi-lopsided grin. Setting the bulk delivery down on the kitchen counter, he leaned against said counter, tucked his arms across his chest and finally said “Well, I know how much you like water, and I happened to pass by a car wash on the way home that was giving away free 24 packs of water for getting a car wash so I decided to stop and get you one”. To me, that translated to the man spending $10 for a car wash, and taking an extra 20 minutes out of his sleep time (which may not seem like much, but for someone who struggles with severe insomnia anyway it can wind up feeling more like the difference between going two hours without sleep, or two days!) just to bring me home water simply because he knows how much of it I drink. From a sign that most people would drive by without a thought; “free 24 pack of water for a car wash”, he thought immediately of me. Read: 5 ways to stay loyal in a relationship
“Okay”, you may be saying, “so he gave you something. Does a little thing have to involve a gift of some sort?” It wasn’t about the “gift”, but about the intention and meaning behind it. For those of you who are harder to sell on this “little things” concept though, allow me to paint you another picture.
When he and I first met, we lived clear across the country from one another; he in Colorado, and I in New York. For the past 5 years, we have been going back and forth to see one another, though admittedly due to finances, he did most of the traveling. Six months ago, before I moved out here, I flew out here for 10 days to see him. It has been quite a while since I had last been able to travel to Denver, and as such, my memories of the city were a bit fuzzy. As we were driving to breakfast the first full morning after I had arrived, as I was gazing out the window I commented to him on how stunning the Rocky Mountains were, and how I wanted to try and get a few pictures of them once we stopped at a traffic light or somewhere where we weren’t moving. He, having lived out here for most of his life responded with a (typically) sarcastic remark about “the big rocks”, and I figured that was that. As we were leaving from having breakfast with his mother, she asked him what we had planned for the day, to which he said “Mere wants to take some pictures of the mountains, so we’re going to go for a drive”. Hearing this, I assumed he meant we were going to drive around the city to various points where I could get some good distance shots. How wrong I was! After about 15 minutes of driving I realized we weren’t in the city anymore, so I asked him where we were. With that ever boyish grin of his, he replied “You said you wanted pictures of the mountains”; a cryptic response… or so I thought. From there he proceeded to drive us up into the Rocky Mountains where we spent the day driving through and stopping to take what turned out to be a multitude of THE most stunning pictures I have ever had the privilege of being able to snap. He took some as well, with the intention of transitioning them onto my laptop so I had even more. We literally spent the entire day on the mountains, driving for a good 3 hours just so I could take pictures. When we decided to call it a day, as we were driving to dinner I thanked him for such an amazing day, to which he turned to me with a softness in his eyes and said “I just wanted to make you happy”. I can assure you, dear readers, that that was a day (and a response) that I will never forget. When I have a difficult day or I’m feeling frustrated, upset, or otherwise less than on par with myself that is the memory I turn to bring the smile back, and it works. Every time. Not a penny was spent, but what he gave me was one of the sweetest, most incredibly romantic, and certainly most memorable and meaningful experiences I have ever had.
Little things. Read: These 10 tips will help you keep a happy relationship
So the next time it seems like there aren’t any “grand gestures” happening in your relationship, take a moment to stop and really think about that. Is it that there aren’t any happening, or are they being evaluated for their size rather than their meaning? Little things aren’t about making a dent in the wallet, but rather leaving an imprint on the heart. If the one you love is capable of and makes a practice of doing that, how much richer could you possibly be?
The little things are never little to the heart, and that makes all the difference.
Have you ever experienced these little gestures from your partner? Let us know your views in the comment. Please feel free to share this article with someone who you feel would be entertained or helped by it.