I Decided to Open a Little Portion of My Heart

I Decided to Open a Little Portion of My Heart

Dear Whoever You Are,

I would like to share something to you about my so called “crush life” and how it crushed in front of my very eyes.

To tell you honestly, I never been in a relationship or something like that but I know, I’ve been hurt many times that I’ve lost count of it. My mistake is, I assume. And now? I hate to assume. [ Read: My Best and Wonderful Soul-mate – Story ]

Ever since High School until College. I have experience infatuation that leads to headaches and heartaches.

I remember way back elementary, I have a crush named Carl. He was the school’s apple of the eye. I still remember silly things that happens before, like my friend Shiela got mad at me upon knowing that I have a crush on her crush which is Carl. Funny it may seems but we were just little girls back then, we don’t know how things should be.

After Elementary years, my parents decided that we should left our old house and settle for a new one that is more suitable to live in, far from the city light and far from the life that I used to have. Here, I continue my High School and live my little feelings for Carl. I started to live a new life. I made friends but none of them last, but that was another story. [ Read: Feeling Of Falling In Love With My Best Friend – Story ]

First year high school when I meet my new crush. His name is John, his my classmate back then. His nice and handsome. But, I guess he was not really for me. We became friends but not for long because there’s something in him that made me turn the other cheek. Then, came Pros. He is my band mate. We are both members of the school Band. He was our drummer. I was attracted to him because of his cute face and wit. His nice yet snub. Then, on our second year in high school my Parents decided to transfer me to other school. I like the idea of transferring because Mom said they will transfer me to the school where my elementary friends studies. And, I remember that, Carl was also studying on that school.

I started my Second year in high school coping up with new lessons and hanging out with my old friends. I missed them and also Carl. But, things have already changed. I’ve heard from my friend that Carl was already in a relationship with someone. So, I decided to end my feelings for him. Although it’s hard because you can’t easily forget the person but I manage to get over him and found my new crush in my Third year days. [ Read: Cute Short Romantic Love Story Every Couple Must Read ]

Third year when I came across with Daryl. He is the school’s Math Wizard. His my schoolmate. I was attracted to him because of his wit and handsome face. He is my Ultimate Crush. My Standard.

My feelings for him remains even after College. I set my standard wherein he is the foundation. But, things never falls into succession. I never found the love that I wished to have. Then, my High School years end up like an open-ended story. There were things in my high school years that needs to be settled but I never got the chance to fix it. Yet, I am still hoping that someday things will fall into it’s right places. [ Read: The Story Of A Perfect Couple ]

During College, I’ve heard that Daryl went to other university far from my school. But, distance never allows me to forget him. He was the bases of my choices. But, my best friend Joyce and Gail made me realize that I can never find someone’s identity on other person body. They said, that the standard that I’m setting is only unique to Daryl and no other. Well, they were right. Thanks to them. Actually, they were the first best friends that I ever have. We are best of friends up to this day and we love each other like sisters.

Putting down my standard. I meet Martin. He was my classmate in college. His really smart and cute. Although, he is shorter than Daryl. [ Read: Just Another Love Story – Based on Real Life Experience ]

I have a crush on him that lasted until third year college. But, things didn’t turn well for the two of us. On the midst of our 3rd yr in College, he confessed his love to one of my best friend. Well, I don’t have the right to be the antagonist on their love story. So, I don’t have a choice but to accept such phenomena.

Then, after a month or so, they became boyfriend and girlfriend. So, as her best friend, I accepted it even though it’s hard, really hard. It hurts me big time. That was my first major heartbreak. Everyday I witness their sweetness and love for each other. I tried to divert my mind on some things like studying and reading books but there was always an instant that it will split on my mind. I can’t help but to be sad. I cried. To tell you honestly, I was damn founded for two weeks. I act normal to people I came across everyday. I even masters the Act of Plastic smiles and laugthers. At the end of the day I just found myself staring at nowhere, crying silently. She’s my best friend and I can’t bear to lose her that’s why I manage to control my tears every time I’m with them. It was like an emotional torture to me. [ Read: Timeless Love – Story ]

But, thanks to Papa God, I manage to get over it after 8-9 months, I think.

Then, another man came. It was like magic. He made me happy by offering me friendship. Maybe, it’s true as the sayings, when a girl is depress, she will fall in love with the first guy who will comfort her. Well, it happens to me.

He is fun to be with. He brought back my smiles and laugthers. Because of him I manage to fix some broken pieces of my heart and build some barriers.

I think we became best of friends without me knowing. I became attached and attracted to him. He even become one of my comfort zone. [ Read: The Meeting – A short Story ]

But, to cut the long story short, we just ended up being friends up until now. I was heartbroken but not like the one with Martin. I manage to accept things easily and moved on. I think, I should congratulate myself for building a wall around my heart so that it can’t be damage. I will not name him because I know he was happy now and I’m happy for him also. I know, he found the love that he was searching for so long.

Now, I’m a working. For two years after graduating in College, my heart remain stranded. For two years, I made my heart locked on a cemented and steel box wherein no one aside from God, my family and best friends can ever enter. I didn’t allow any man to be part of it again. I was scared, scared to be hurt again. I don’t want to lay another card and start a gambling. I don’t want to risk and experience another pain. [ Read: True story of love, promises and search ]

Well, it’s really unpredictable how fate plays with people. After two years of zero crush life. He came. I don’t know how it goes. I cannot say that it was love at first sight because I saw him several times until I wake up one day then realized that I have a crush on him. I don’t know how it started but I just found myself waiting for him to pass by the office.

Right now, I decided to open a little portion of my heart and let a little amount of color to enter. I decided to be friends with him.

I hope this time I will gain a positive result. Wish me good luck:)

I hope things will turn out good this time.

Yours truly,

MAY